Savannah. Auckland, NZ. ISO-2020
Some days I was literally doing nothing but feeling everything.
Isolation has felt like weeks of unchartered territory where I was like, when’s it going to end, what does it entail, what does life look like? I think it was not knowing that fed my anxiety.
Isolation gave me the feeling of being trapped and led to the realisation that I should have acquired better hobbies than dining out and drinking out every night. Those were important things to me, even though it sounds sort of superficial. But not having them felt really strange. It sort of felt like my normality was just ripped away from me.
I felt a lot of pressure with various instagram posts telling me to start new habits and learn new things. I was like ‘I’m going to do two home workouts a day and create master chef dinners and put it all on Instagram’.
But I had to let go of those expectations. I realised that the most important thing was to just get through the day.
It was a little daunting. I could hermit away, and it didn’t matter because I was still posting things. I usually put off taking that time because I’m an overthinker and I don’t like to spend too much time in my own head. It can be kind of scary. If I am feeling really anxious about a situation I feel like I literally cannot get out of bed and that’s what I did. Spent three days there.
To help my anxiety I’d drive around listening to music. But I got to this carpark and there was a big sign saying “Go Home, This Car Park is Closed!”. I had a little meltdown in the car and then I pulled myself together and told myself I just have to go home.
I can now really relate to the theory that my home is an extension of my energy field. I love the little nooks in my house that I’ve discovered in Lockdown. I love my little Flat Family Bubble. I have definitely learnt a bit of self-care during this time. Now I don’t have to go to bars and restaurants to feel fulfilled.